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Do You Believe in Me

(Lou & Peter Berryman, ©1996)

Do you think Santa Claus on a long November night When Rudolph cracks a hoof and the elves are breaking down With a bottle of bourbon open on the toy line Do you think he calls me up? Not when the chance is slim that I believe in him No, he'll call Christmas nuts with ten-foot plastic trees And one big statuette floodlit and turning slowly Shimmering like a red potato pancake Of Santa Claus himself, that's who he'll ask with glee "Do you believe in me?" And that poor tooth fairy, when she's all out of dimes And her truck's full of teeth and she hears nine more children Wiggling on their molars in the suburbs Do you think she picks that time To ask why I prefer to not believe in her? No, she'll call five-year-olds who hoard their baby teeth Like little traveler's checks, that they hide underneath their Pillow and then they whisper with a new lisp "Tooth fairy pleathe come thoon" That's who she'll ask you see "Do you believe in me?" So when your boss is mean and your begonia dies And your best friend buys guns and your new couch falls off And litters about a mile of the freeway You should not pick this time To have your Mom appraise the way you live these days No, you should march right in and call yours truly up Who hangs on every word and will go "Unh-unh, uh-huh, unh-unh, certainly and of course not" Enthusiastically So soon as this line is free, go make a call to me


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